Intimacy, Addiction, 90s Style, and the Death of Humankind
The Kyle File - 02
I’m literally re-reading the title of this week’s article, laughing at how absolutely unhinged and all-over-the-place it is. Welcome to my brain! Here’s what’s happening.
What I’m Reading
One of the things I love Substack for, is reading all the interesting perspectives of people who inspire, educate, and entertain me. Case in point, this week’s reading recommendation that hits close to home for EVERYONE because of how universally simple and poignant it is: We’re All Terrified of Intimacy, by Todd Baratz. I stumbled upon Todd, a sex and relationship psychotherapist, on Instagram a while back and loved his straightforward — and yet aspirational — take on relationships. The article is great and talks mainly about vulnerability and how we hide it (even when we think we don’t). This line struck a nerve with me:
If someone keeps you guessing, that’s your answer. Confusion is a boundary, not a puzzle.
What I’m Wearing
This week’s outfits are appropriately brought to you by The Gap. I forgot how much I loved The Gap. I desperately needed new jeans, and while in the mall the other day (I love a good mall — it’s the New Jersey in me), I stumbled into the store and promptly purchased two pairs of jeans (one darker, one lighter) that I’m still not sure are the perfect fit for my body.
I love minimalism. That’s one of the reasons why I love the 90s so much — that signature minimalistic style that said so much by saying so little. And as the weather is turning a tad chillier (hahaha 75 degrees in LA hahaha), I tried to harken back to that simple, yet pulled together 90s era with my Gap jeans, loafers, button downs, and colorful tees. I felt nostalgic and unique, simultaneously.
Remember the iconic Gap commercials? I found a WHOLE ARTICLE about them! (sorry about the low-res, below)
What I’m Eating
One of the best Happy Hour spots in LA is at Lavo in West Hollywood. You can get a cute, fluffy pizzette (little pizza) and a bottle of wine for $25. It’s a hidden gem. And they have a few other selections on the Happy Hour menu, too. Every Monday night. It’s incredible. Don’t sleep on it.
What I’m Watching
Okay, so this show technically came out last year, and I was obsessed, but I want to take this opportunity to recommend it because it’s INCREDIBLE. The Day of the Jackal, starring Eddie Redmayne. It’s streaming on Peacock and it’s about a highly-paid assassin living a double life who is on the run from a British Intelligence agent. Think The Bourne Identity and James Bond meets a stylish David Fincher movie.
What I’m Listening To
Embarrassingly — or not embarrassingly, actually — every 6ish months, I listen to this episode of the goop podcast; where Gwyneth Paltrow interviews Oprah Winfrey. Hear me out. It’s so ripe with meaty tidbits about how to live a better life. They touch on what’s really important in life, overcoming trauma, pursuing something that’s actually meant for you, and how to communicate in a way that honors yourself — but not in a saccharine, preachy way. Rather, it’s a discussion that’s inspiring, moving, and full of tactical learnings you can apply to your own life. If you’re struggling to overcome something right now, or are chasing something — be it a person or a dream — you HAVE to listen.
What I’m Thinking:
Social Media is Killing Us
I’ve been thinking a lot about social media lately, and particularly, how deleteriously its impacting humankind. Whoa! Dark, Kyle, Jesus Christ!
But it’s true. Addiction. Suicide. Comparison. Brainwashing. It’s not good for us. And I feel like we’re slowly turning into those fat, motionless blobs from Wall-E.
Here’s the plot twist: I own a social media agency. HA! And so, I can’t help but feel like I’m in a very teensy way contributing to the problem. While none of my clients are putting out insidious messaging, it’s still concerning. I can feel myself becoming more reliant and addicted to social media — and I don’t even have an addictive personality! It makes me worry for those of us out there that do. And who can’t stop scrolling.
The other day, I was talking to someone who told me how his 22-year-old friend said that when she becomes a mother, she will absolutely give her child an iPad to make them stop crying. I was flabbergasted, floored, flummoxed at the idea. But he explained that because she’s 22, she’s grown up digitally native: it was how her parents soothed her, so of course, she’d do the same for her own child.
It freaked me out. What will the next generation’s interpersonal human communication look like? Will they have too much “social anxiety” to have in-person conversations? I see it already among people my own age, let alone even younger ones. We’re so used to communicating through our phones, will we forget how to have meaningful conversations with loved ones? How to detect non-verbal cues on dates? How to chat with strangers at parties?
Is social media — and our addiction to devices — slowly making us less human?
My expert opinion is that Tik Tok is over. There, I said it. I can’t quite articulate why, but regardless of the politics that surround it, it feels washed up to me. Like a trend that’s slowly petering out. So maybe that’s the silver lining? One less platform to be consumed by?
What’s my conclusion? The influencer Tinx I think said it best: she challenged herself and her followers to a “Phone-Free Fall,” which I thought was brilliant. As someone who gets turned on by doing things differently than others, I was drawn to the idea that if I spent less time on my phone for 3 months, I’d have more edge than someone who didn’t, therefore making me more mysterious, therefore making me more unique.
As a social media expert, my social media advice to you, is to limit using social media. I’ve deleted some apps from my phone, and every time I feel the urge to go on Instagram, half the time I open up DuoLingo to practice my Spanish instead. Okay, I know, I’m still on my phone. But it’s a step in the right direction, right?
What do you think? Are YOU addicted to social media? And more importantly, what are you doing to combat it? Are are you simply giving in?